jonnyroscoe

Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML

Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML