Mademoiselle Seattle, WA USA 40 ans En couple
Today, I found out that my husband’s crazy ex girlfriend has not only moved to our area, but has also landed herself on his patient list. He’s a gynecologist. FML
Today, I felt so unwell that I didn't fall asleep until 4 AM. The baby woke up at 5, ready to start the day. FML
Today, the cat was screaming for canned food. To save the ears of everyone in the house, I decided to give him what he wanted. When I popped the lid, it squirted stinky cat-food gravy all over my shirt. When I tried to remove the shirt, it all went inside my pants. FML
Today, I took a drug test for probation and failed a category called "tricyclic antidepressants". The tablet of Benadryl I took last night for sleep assistance caused me to violate my probation. FML
Today, my extremely inebriated boyfriend casually mentioned that he wished I had a penis. FML
Today, after not being active on Instagram in over two years, I was broken up with by my fiancé for following a man. FML
Today, I told my mom that once I leave school, I want to join the clergy, and how much it meant to me. Her response: "Never knew you wanted to molest kids so much!" FML
Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML
Today, our 2-year-old poured honey on our baby. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML
Today, my daughter's quirkiness and eccentricities may have gone to a whole new level when her school faculty described her as "no stranger to LSD". She's 5. FML
Today, a 5th grader tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, “Don’t ever watch Two Girls, One Cup. Trust me.” While I appreciate the advice, I am dreading the phone call home. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about role-playing during sex when he suddenly said, "I'll be Trump. Let's make sex great again!" FML
Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML
Today, I tried to flirt with some firefighters. They were too focused on the fire to notice my hints. FML
Today, I got my new license plate, which is the story of my life. FML
Today, I bought a cake. I then immediately forgot what I was carrying, opened the door to my car, and tossed the bag into the back seat. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night choking and had to open my bedroom window. No, it wasn’t a gas leak. My husband had a curry last night and his constant farting was so bad I was struggling to breathe. FML
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