ILoveEggnog

Today, I threw my brand new iPhone 4 in the air whilst laying on my bed. It came down, went through my fingers, landed on my balls, then broke on the concrete floor. FML

Lurker

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML

Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML

Creative mind

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill." He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML