CatMeister

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

Today, my mom decided to take away my TV after noticing that I watch the show True Blood. Apparently, since I watch this, I must be "curious about sex." I'm 19. FML

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

Bored stiff

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I got so bored, I made a "to do" list for the week in my head. FML

Today, I found out that when you kick another man in the snowglobes and he smiles at you, there's something creepily wrong. FML

Today, I went to a jeweler's to buy a ring to propose to my girlfriend. When I was at the restaurant, in mid-proposal, with people watching, I realized I had left the ring in the store. FML

Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML

Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

So romantic

Today, I realized the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because he has a pimple fetish. FML

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

War drums

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend started singing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML