Monsieur Lake Villa , United States 30 ans Célibataire
Today, some friends and I went to Cosmic Bowling where they have a blacklight. Everyone's teeth were glowing. Mine weren't. FML
Today, it was the first time my boyfriend saw me naked. He grabbed my breasts and began to sing, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He's 22. FML
Today, my boyfriend convinced me to skip school with him. His mom came home early. I had to hide in his closet and wait 6 hours for her to go to her book club meeting. FML
Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML
Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML
Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML
Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML
Today, one of my friends posted on Facebook saying if you're held up at an ATM, putting your PIN in backwards will alert the cops. I pointed out it's an urban legend, and asked how it'd work if their PIN was the same backwards. He drove over and beat the crap out of me. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reason? Not enough guys have been liking her photos on Instagram since we started dating. FML
Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML
Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML
Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML
Today, I walked in on my 17-year-old brother jerking it to a scene from the movie Frozen. Brain bleach, please. FML
Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML
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