Célibataire
Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML
Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML
Today, I was having an in depth discussion with my girlfriend's father about how corrupt journalists are and how our town's paper is the worst paper on the planet. After insulting basically everything about the newspaper, I asked him what he did for a living. He's the editor of the newspaper. FML
Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML
Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was, "Does she know?" FML
Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML
Today, I introduced my Chinese-born girlfriend to the rest of the family. My uncle immediately blurted out, "He's dating a communist." FML
Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression, "Knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as, "Kill yourself." FML
Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML
Today, I actually had to explain to two of my friends that neither Alaska nor Nebraska are in Canada. I think I need new friends. FML
Today, in calculus, our substitute teacher told me I was smart. Everybody in the class, including my friends, burst out laughing. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML
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