Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML
wholock
Mademoiselle En couple
Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML
My precious baby
Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML
Today, my husband and I went for our 20 week scan and found out we're having a girl. The first thing he said to me was, "The next one better be a boy or I'm leaving you". FML
Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML