Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML
Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML
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