Mademoiselle Johannesburg, South Africa 33 ans En couple
Today, while my teacher was helping me with a problem, the gum he was chewing fell from his mouth and down my shirt. FML
Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML
Today, I thought I heard someone shifting around in my house. I froze in fear and then I heard it again. I thought I was hearing things until I realized that it wasn't an intruder in my home. The shifting noise was my thighs rubbing together when I walked. FML
Today, my boyfriend of nearly two years broke up with me because he's sick of me being annoyed at him. Why am I annoyed at him? Because he wants to go and spend a week with his ex. FML
Today, the only person who wished me a happy birthday is the policeman who checked my identity card for being "suspiciously gangster-like". FML
Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML
Today, I found myself crying for an hour when my recreated crush on The Sims 3 game rejected my character and ran off with someone else. FML
Today, my mom paid $40 for overnight shipping on delivery of paint for my Art major dropout sister, but insists on making me wait two weeks for my diabetes medication. FML
Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why being with a girl while being with me is cheating. FML
Today, I went out on a date with an ex-boyfriend who I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex-girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML
Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML
Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing air guitar and headbanging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML
Today, my dad went through my room while I was out and threw away the "inappropriate pictures" that he found. They're the nudes I've been working on for art class. FML
Today, I went tanning for 15 min at my gym. When I got out no one was there, all of the lights were off, and the alarm started going off. Turns out the people working forgot about me, locked up, and left me there. FML
Today, the lease on my house ended and I finished moving in with my girlfriend. After everything was moved in, she broke up with me. Hello homelessness. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me as I was getting ready for bed and asked me to pick him up from the bar. Being a loving girlfriend I drive the 45 minutes; when I get there his friend informs me he left about 45 minutes ago. FML
Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML
Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML
Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she doesn't wash my clothes anymore. Instead, she sprays them with Febreze to "save money". FML
Today, my mom told my abusive ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with 5 days ago, that he is always welcome at my house. She "misses him". FML
Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML
Today, I realized that the black leggings I wear quite often become see-through when I bend over. I have been showing the world my ass as well as my thong for over a month now. FML
Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
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