Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn't have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend is so seldom romantic that it actually makes me uncomfortable when he says something cute. FML
Today, at school, I was crying because someone I knew had died. My teacher pulled me aside and said, "I understand you're socially awkward, but don't worry, it gets better." FML
Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML
Today, my parents had a long discussion on whether a cut on my arm looked like a vagina. FML
Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML
Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML
Today, I cut my finger with a plastic knife while demonstrating that you can't cut yourself with a plastic knife. FML
Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She said, "No, I don't feel like squeezing into them again." I was cockblocked by a pair of jeans. FML
Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML
Today, I was drinking from a water bottle while in a lecture. The water caught in my throat and it felt like I was choking to death. Instead of asking me if I was okay or trying to help, the guy sitting next to me told me to shut up. FML
Today, I had to have a discussion with my 54-year-old mother about showering. She thinks it's perfectly OK to shower only once a week. FML
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