ampster101

Today, my boyfriend said he wants a Hello Kitty wedding. FML

Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

Burglary [gone sexual]

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

Ugly truth

Today, my six year-old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said, "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

Give us a cig, mate

Today, I got punched in the face by a drunk dude because I wouldn't give him any cigarettes. I don't smoke. FML

Today, I tried to treat a cut on my butthole with Neosporin. I couldn't see it properly, so I had to use the front-facing camera on my phone. FML

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single, and jobless. FML