Today, I forgot to pick up my grandmother at the train station. My mother was livid. My father, moved, told me, “for the first time in my life, I’m proud of you.” FML
Today, I complimented a guy on his Van Gogh costume. As it turns out, he had an infection in his ear. FML
Today, while I was walking to class, I was hit by a car. The driver stopped to let me cross in front of her, started moving again, hit me, and then yelled at me, saying it was my fault for walking in front of her. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML
Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML
Today, I heard a girl say, "Darth Vader is that black guy from Star Trek, right?" FML
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