Today, I got a knock on my door at 3 a.m. Turns out, if I ignore my mother long enough, she will assume I have died and will call the cops. FML
Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML
Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This included Nazi symbols, "white power", and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominantly black neighborhood. FML
Today, I discovered that my son has an allergy to cats. My partner of two years, not wanting to fight, suggested a compromise: that my son and the cat take turns sleeping outside. FML
Today, my mother told me to 'quit having a pity party'. I was just diagnosed with depression. I've lost my boyfriend, my job, my academic standing, and I just got rejected from every graduate school I applied for. And my mother thinks I'm a cry baby. Great. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML
Today, I realized that every time I hear running water, I have less than a minute to find a toilet or I'll pee my pants. FML
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