Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML
Today, I realized I'm pussy whipped by a chick I'm not even dating. FML
Today, I signed my own plaster-cast to make people believe that I actually have friends. FML
Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML
Today, I called my boss and said, "I have been awake since 3 a.m. throwing up." He replied, "Great, see you at 9." and hung up. FML
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