Blazingcrono

Today, I realized that my wife is such a bitch normally, she's actually nicer when she is on her period. FML

Today, I found out my boyfriend can name each and every Pokémon, but can't remember my birthday. FML

Lightweight

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I have a "drinking problem". She says I don't drink enough. FML

Health risk

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because, "It's chicken, not salmon." FML