Mademoiselle Buenos Aires, Argentina En couple
Today, I was walking down my very steep basement stairs when I fell and rolled all the way down but luckily I didn't hurt anything. While walking back up around the very last stair, my cat jumped out on me, causing me to roll all the way back down. FML
Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML
Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML
Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML
Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML
Today, I learned that if I don't give my mom attention immediately after she calls my name, she will throw a baseball at me. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML
Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML
Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing a breakup note with permanent marker on my newly painted bedroom wall. FML
Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML
Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML
Today, it was so cold that I had to put slippers over my slippers. FML
Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML
Today, at school, I was scheduled to give a presentation to my class. As I arrived, my teacher said to me, "You're bleeding from the 120th pimple on your left cheek." FML
Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML
Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gunpoint, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML
Today, I congratulated a bride standing in front of a church in a white dress. Turns out she'd been stood up at the altar. She thrashed me with her bouquet. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML
Today, I took the bus. The old lady next to me almost fell when the driver stopped, but I managed to catch her. Five minutes later, the same thing happened to me. The old lady tried to help me, but I lost my balance and pulled her skirt down. FML
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise with me in the gulf of Mexico, because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like in Titanic. FML
Today, while I was shopping at a store with my friend, I noticed a cute girl smiling at us. My friend said, "She's all yours," and walked away. When I approached her, she asked me if my friend was single. FML
Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML
Today, I got rear-ended. An old woman got out and came over to my car window. I thought she was coming to apologize and trade insurance companies. Instead, she poured her soda on my head, ran back into her car, and drove away. FML
Today, the acne on one side of my face has flared up at the corners of my mouth, making me look just like The Joker. FML
Today, I asked a girl I like to the movies. Wanting her to lean on me and stay in my arms during the movie, I chose a horror film. I screamed like a pussy the whole time. FML
Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML
Today, the guy I've been madly in love with for ages finally asked me out. I excitedly said yes. I waited a half an hour for him to show up, with another girl and say, "Where's your date?" I was asked to go on a double date, but apparently he forgot to tell me. FML
Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML
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