kevoski

Today, I ripped my stitches while taking a shit. FML

Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

Parkour

Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML

Today, I walked in on my 17-year-old brother jerking it to a scene from the movie Frozen. Brain bleach, please. FML

Today, I told my younger brother that I'm a lesbian. Now he keeps asking me if I want to play rock, paper, vagina. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me he's prepared to commit to marriage, but only if I buy my own ring and tell everyone he surprised me with it. FML