Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML
Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML
Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML
Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML
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