rockefoe

Gift ideas

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend's present to me was that he actually flushed the toilet AND put the seat down. FML

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

That's more than I asked for

Today, while my teacher was helping me with a problem, the gum he was chewing fell from his mouth and down my shirt. FML

Today, my mom informed me that she doesn't wash my clothes anymore. Instead, she sprays them with Febreze to "save money". FML

Smoking is so cool

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

Use it wisely

Today, after teaching my 4 year-old son about the concept of "Stranger Danger," we had gone to a park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming, "Stranger! Don't touch me!" FML