Mademoiselle Chicago, USA 36 ans Célibataire
Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML
Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML
Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML
Today, I got sexual tingles while watching a Subway worker assemble my sandwich. FML
Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML
Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML
Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML
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