Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML
Today, I found out my identity was stolen. The person got credit cards in my name and didn't pay the bills, which has ruined my near perfect credit. The worst part about all of this is that I can't turn the person in. It's my mom, and sending her to jail wouldn't really work out for anyone. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if my ass looked big in my new jeans. He looked, and then started singing "I like big butts and I cannot lie". FML
Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML
Today, I got a call from Red Cross about the blood donation I gave last week. They informed me that I have Hepatitis C. FML
Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I texted her and I would never talk to her again, but I accidentally sent it to my other best friend, who responded, "I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out." My two best friends cheated with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML
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