Today, I found out via Facebook that my brother got engaged several days ago. Not only did he not tell me, but we live in the same house. FML
Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
Today, my fiancé insists that instead of kissing at the crucial moment of our wedding ceremony, we should give each other a high five. FML
Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML
Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML
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