jacobsnowboard

Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML

Thanks for sharing

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML

Love language

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

Today, I woke up to the sound of my car being stolen. FML

Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying, "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML

Today, after weeks of sorting, inspecting, and waiting, my high school's yearbooks were distributed. I'd searched carefully for photo errors and was proud to say there were none. That is, until someone told me that a boy on the last page was flipping the camera the bird. FML

Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML

Today, my mom came over to me and whispered something in my ear. I didn't hear it and assumed it was a joke, so I started laughing. Turns out my aunt died. FML

Chill, lady

Today, a lady threw a coke bottle at my head because she had a non-winning lottery ticket. FML

Today, I got home from the hospital after I burned my hand. Why? I dropped my phone in the pot while stirring hot soup, and I reached in to get it. FML

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML