Today, I was hauling cow shit. I had a car following me very closely, so I turned on the spreader to get them to back off. It was a cop. I got pulled over in a tractor for spraying cow shit on a cop car. FML
Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML
Today, an officer ticketed me for texting while driving. Apparently, getting dumped costs $180. FML
Today, my husband told me he's just "not interested" in having sex anymore. FML
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