Mademoiselle Los Angeles, United States 31 ans
Today, my boyfriend's ex moved into the apartment beneath us. She's already called the cops on us for a noise complaint twice. We were sleeping. It's going to be a long year. FML
Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me home for the first time. His place was covered in Insane Clown Posse stuff, even the toilet bowl. He's an undercover Juggalo. FML
Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML
Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML
Today, I was cussed out by a customer who was unhappy, and he asked to speak with my manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are "too flaky" to run a bakery properly. FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML
Today, my obsessive ex, who recently cut my phone line to stop me from talking to my boyfriend of three years, got a job at the same restaurant where both my boyfriend and I work. FML
Today, in my second year at university, I took a pregnancy test. It's the only test I've passed all month. FML
Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML
Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML
Today, my fiancé left me waiting at the train station for two and a half hours because he offered his ex-girlfriend a lift to her friends wedding that was a few cities away. I normally wouldn't have minded, but I'm 6 months pregnant and it was pouring with rain. FML
Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML
Today, I got back the essay I wrote about how my country's education system is fucked. At one point, I made a spelling mistake. My teacher wrote a note about it, basically calling me illiterate, and telling me to pay attention in school instead of whining about it. She misspelled "school". FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me his theory on how the world would be a better place if Hitler had won the 2nd World War. FML
Today, while looking for some socks in my mom's dresser, I found a male g-string and an edible bra. FML
Today, I came home after working on a difficult case. My husband wasn't home so I hopped into bed. My feet felt something and I reached down and picked it up out of the sheets. It was lacy black thongs. I don't own black thongs. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML
Today, I had to go to a birthday party for 10 year-old triplets. They've all been dead for more than 9 years. FML
Today, it was my first day at my new job. My new boss asked me if I was single. After telling him I have been happily married for 6 years, he fired me on the spot. FML
Today, the old lady I've been taking care of and running errands for died. She hadn't paid me yet. FML
Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML
Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. I presented her with an oil painting of her that I'd been working on for over a month, and she started to cry. I thought it was because she liked it, until she asked if she really looks that ugly and disproportionate in real life. FML
Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
Today, I was attacked by a bird at three in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and it decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML
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