novdestiny

Today, a man came into the library where I work with a bag. He told me the bag was full of bugs he found in and around his toilet, and demanded that I help identify them. He then added, "They might be parasites. They're all over the bathroom, but I got the toilet ones here." FML

Today, I was happy to find flowers at my desk when I came to work. Then I discovered all the women received flowers, while the men received bonus checks. Yes, because women should be paid in flowers. FML

Today, my fiancé received his divorce papers. Thanks to his procrastinating, his divorce is effective May 29th. We're supposed to get married on May 28th. FML

Today, my extremely inebriated boyfriend casually mentioned that he wished I had a penis. FML