Monsieur Schenctady, USA 51 ans En couple
Today, I received a phone call at work about an emergency, and that I had to come home immediately. I arrived to find that no one had been hurt and the house hadn't burned down. The "emergency" was my mom had ran out of milk and cigarettes. FML
Today, my wife announced that she wanted a divorce. She'd actually started dating another man a few months ago, but she wanted to drag our marriage out as long as possible just in case her new relationship fell through. FML
Today, I changed the date of my birthday to today on Facebook to see how many people actually know my birthday. My mom wished me a happy birthday. FML
Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML
Today, I watched my boss try to stick a magnet to cardboard. FML
Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML
Today, my boss gave me an "All You Need to Know About Grammar" type book. FML
Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML
Today, I finally used the statistics book that I forked out $120 to buy. To kill an ant. FML
Today, I found out that my eight year old son is actually my nephew. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, while babysitting a five year-old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I had only been dating him for about a month. Thinking he wouldn't take it very hard, I invited him over so I could tell him in person. Little did I know he was going to start crying on my couch and not leave for 5 hours. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using the "it's not you, it's me" speech with a slight variation, saying instead, "It's not me, it's you. And yes, I meant to say it that way round." FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Today, my dad told my little brother that Tokyo is in China. This is the same guy who yells at me every time I get a "B" on a report card. FML
Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML
Today, after seeing a girl for a few weeks on and off I sent her a text to see if she wanted to go out the next saturday. Predictive text changed "go" to "in". So..."Why don't we in out on saturday?" She stopped calling me. FML
Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML
Today, I met a really hot chick while waiting for the bus. We spoke for 4 hours till we got to our destination. She hugged me and we parted ways. Later that day I realised she stole my phone. FML
Today, I woke up late, didn't shave, didn't have time to iron my clothes, didn't eat breakfast, and ran into the office with beads of sweat running down my face. The meeting had been cancelled. FML
Today, I enjoy reading this site and other people's suffering just to feel better about my own life. FML
Today, I have dark hairs growing on my chest, nipples and stomach... I'm a 19 year old girl. FML
Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML
Today, I woke up to find that the large container of leftover beef stroganoff that I put down the garbage disposal last night had backed up into my bathtub this morning. FML
Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML
Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML
Today, I lied and said I was late for work because my car's tire was flat. Two hours later, some of my friends came in and said something along the lines that, "We should do brunch every Saturday, (like this morning) it was awesome!" in front of my manager. FML
Today, my mother told me: "If you didn't exist, I wouldn't stay with your father". So it's MY fault if she's having problems with him? FML
Today, I have a degree in electrical engineering, my wife was doing a crossword and asked me what are the units of capacitance, I couldn't remember. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
