FreeFlyah

Subtle

Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown. FML

Today, in the early hours of the morning, a worker started drilling the road right in front of my window. He stopped 5 minutes before my alarm clock rang. FML

Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

Today, thinking I was being very generous, I lent my jacket to my new co-worker. I guess I should have checked my pockets before I did, I’m not sure that leaving 3 different flavors of condoms in them made a good impression. FML

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

Today, I was on the bus going to formal for my sorority. I was sitting in the 5th row of the bus when I felt raindrops on my face coming through the open window. I then realized it wasn't raining, but the girl in the 1st row was throwing up out her window and it was coming back in through my window. FML

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

Hi there!

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

Instant cure

Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML