Madame Kansas City 39 ans En couple
Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML
Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML
Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML
Today, I woke up and screamed. My older sister had placed a Furby right by my face while I was asleep. This is a common occurrence. FML
Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML
Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML
Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML
Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML
Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML
Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML
Today, I can't go on watching season 8 of The Big Bang Theory, not because of the steady decline of the show's quality, but because I can't stand Penny's new haircut. FML
Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML
Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML
Today, as I was walking home from work, I got chased halfway home by a wolf. Yes, a wolf. I live in central Norway. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML
Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I found out that, given the correct velocity, a used condom can actually fly through a tiny window and slap you on the leg. I also found out that when you go to the window to yell at the perpetrator, they might have more ammunition. FML
Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML
Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML
Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML
Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML
Today, after weeks of searching, I finally found the wedding dress of my dreams. Too bad it was in the form of a download for The Sims. FML
Today, my brother slapped me across the face with a piece of raw chicken for not liking his Instagram post. FML
Today, I had such a big hiccup that I fell backwards down the stairs. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
