Madame Kansas City 39 ans En couple
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
Today, my toaster scared me. Again. FML
Today, I was walking to the bus stop when someone slapped an innocent person in the face with a fish. I was that innocent person. FML
Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML
Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML
Today, I found out how it feels when a refrigerator door unhinges and falls on your toes. FML
Today, my nap was cut short by three bricks flying through my window. FML
Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML
Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML
Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML
Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML
Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML
Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML
Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML
Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to put my bra on. FML
Today, I got whiplash from sneezing. FML
Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML
Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML
Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML
Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML
Today, I got into a fistfight with a complete idiot wearing a panda outfit. My face now looks like a real panda's. FML
Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML
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