Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML
powerkeep
Monsieur
Today, I mistook a tree in my back yard as an intruder and called the police. FML
Today, I finished reading a manga series on a website I go on all the time. As I read the last page I got a huge celebratory message from the website saying I was the first one to read every manga on their site. The website opened in 2011 and has over 30,000 manga. My God, I need a social life. FML
Today, my anxiety was escalating so I decided to try an anti-anxiety adult coloring book to calm myself down. Too bad I got more stressed out about which colors I should use. FML
Today, on my way to the dentist, I got rear ended by my own dentist. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so baked, he thought I was in the washing machine. I came downstairs to find him sitting in a puddle of soaking wet clothes, crying about where I was. FML
Roommates from hell
Today, while trying to sleep, my roommates were shouting in the next room. When I poked my head out to tell them to shut up, I was greeted by the sight of one of them with his knob duct-taped inside a gun holster, and the other one trying to rip it off. And they wonder why I'm not more social. FML
Today, as a mascot for a pet store, I had to fake my own death to stop a little girl having a temper tantrum because she couldn't take me home. FML