Deniika18

Today, my brother and I woke up early to get a sneak peek at our Christmas presents. We found our parents having sex on the couch. FML

D.A.R.E. to say no

Today, I accidentally texted my mother instead of my drug dealer. FML

Today, I went to break up with my psychotic bitch of a girlfriend after months of abuse. When she opened the door, her 5-year-old son ran up to me, smiling and calling me "DADDY!" for the first time. Now I don't have the heart to dump the psycho and devastate her son. FML

Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML