Steffi

Today, I went to CVS to buy some tampons. The cashier said, "Ewwww... You're on your period." FML

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML

Today, I was babysitting my young cousins who are obsessed with Narnia. So to appease them, we checked every closet in the house. We never did find Narnia, but we did find sex toys. Lots of them. FML

Today, I showed my grandma my new septum piercing. Her only response was, "I hope it gets infected and your nose falls off." FML