Mademoiselle 24 ans Célibataire
Today, my girlfriend and I got caught doing it in her parents' bed by her mom. Instead of making me leave, they forced me to stay for dinner. FML
Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML
Today, at work, my vindictive, cheating ex made me clean and inspect her new wedding ring. FML
Today, someone finally got the guts to punch my extremely rude mother in the face. My wife. FML
Today, my mom told me that when I choked on a tortilla chip yesterday, she was seriously planning on cutting my neck open and sticking a straw in it if I didn't stop, because she saw someone do it on 'E.R.'. Now I'm scared to have an emergency around her. FML
Today, I was talking to myself in the bathroom to remind myself of what chores I need to do. My husband overheard me and is now convinced that I was on the phone with someone. No amount of proof, logic or reasoning can convince him that I'm not cheating on him. FML
Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year-old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML
Today, after driving for four hours to visit my best friend for the New Year's break, she still hasn't finished up her Skype conversation and left her room to greet me. She knows I'm here. I've spent the last hours watching YouTube videos with her cat. FML
Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML
Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML
Today, I sneezed hard while eating some quite spicy potato chips at my friend's house. Some of the chips passed to the nasal cavity, and I ended up having to pick my nose for some pointy, spicy chips shrapnel. FML
Today, I went for bloodwork. It's routine for me, so I was ready for the nurse to put in the needle and take my blood. It went in fine, but right after, she slowly pulled the needle out, then wondered why the blood stopped. She then moved it back and forth in my arm while I panicked silently. FML
Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How? Her boyfriend told me, followed by a punch in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML
Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding, and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML
Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard to congratulate her when this is her eighth husband. FML
Today, I found out my mom took around $2,500 from my savings account to pay off my sister's college tuition. She recently flunked out of her studies and won't be returning to college anyway. FML
Today, a girl in my class threw a temper tantrum. Why? Because she wanted my seat. We're in high school. FML
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