Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. When I got there, I got sent on a scavenger hunt that ended with him proposing to me. FML
Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML
Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML
Today, after weeks of oral pain and hundreds of dollars in dentistry fees, we found the culprit: a popcorn kernel that floss was unable to remove. FML
Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML
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