Mademoiselle New York 33 ans
Today, I almost crashed my car because I was checking out an Old Navy mannequin wearing a bra. FML
Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML
Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML
Today, my sister admitted to having sex with her current boyfriend. On my bed. Again. I even have a spare bed in my room and yet they still go for mine. FML
Today, I found out that my dad writes really weird and scary slash fiction involving characters from all of the CSI TV show franchises. FML
Today, it was the only time in my life that I have ever received an A+ for something. Thank you, eBay buyer. FML
Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML
Today, my cat went into labor. This is surprising since 6 years ago, we paid to have her spayed. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML
Today, I was in class when all of a sudden I was hit in the head by a metal pencil case. My teacher threw it at me to get my attention. FML
Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML
Today, I let my little sister sleep in my room because she had a nightmare. She is currently snoring like an overweight 40 year-old man with a cold. FML
Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML
Today, I watered a dying communal plant. I was fined $250 for littering. FML
Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML
Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left. FML
Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took a picture of it, then showed it to all my friends at my party, all while we were eating. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me, and then asked if I'd give him head one last time before he left. FML
Today, I realized that potato chips are made from potatoes. I'm 26. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother slipping into a pair of panties. Specifically, a pair of my panties. FML
Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML
Today, I discovered that when I'm drunk, I hate wearing clothes. And it doesn't matter who is around to see it, not even my soon-to-be father-in-law. FML
Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML
Today, my 16 year-old daughter tried to convince me that tampons don't actually work, all because she can still pee with one in. FML
Today, my roommate played a crazy April Fool's joke on me by not paying his rent this month. Good one. FML
Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML
Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML
Today, I sent a text message to this girl I've been flirting with for a while now saying "How about coffee?". To which she answered "Great idea, I'll go and make myself one right now". FML
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
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