Monsieur Seattle, U.S.A 31 ans En couple
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML
Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML
Today, I sent the texts "I love and miss you babe ;)" and "Shit wrong person" to my ex just so he would think I have a life. FML
Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E," I replied. Without missing a beat, she says, "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She's 16. FML
Today, I bought weed for the first time. The dealer was an undercover cop. FML
Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML
Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML
Today, my dad had his "sixteen years overdue" vasectomy. I'm fifteen. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML
Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML
Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while placing her order. I work as a Drive-Thru cashier at McDonalds. FML
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