Mademoiselle Bradford, England Célibataire
Today, I met my ex's new boyfriend. I was at work, cashiering at the movie theater that they were apparently having their first date at. We broke up less than 24 hours ago. FML
Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great… we graduated high school together. FML
Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML
Today, I found out my roomie has lost her only source of income. This means I'm responsible for all the bills and the rent. I would kick her out and get someone else, but she's my mother. FML
Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML
Today, I came home to find that my mother had sold all my valuable collector coins for cheap at a local shady pawn shop to buy herself a TV. The coins in question were worth enough to start a business. FML
Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML
Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML
Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after two days of not showering. FML
Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML
Today, at school, I was scheduled to give a presentation to my class. As I arrived, my teacher said to me, "You're bleeding from the 120th pimple on your left cheek." FML
Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML
Today, my mother-in-law asked if she could move in with us. FML
Today, I had to Google how to find the area of a circle. I'm working on my PhD in engineering. FML
Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML
Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
Today, I took off my sweatshirt in the middle of class. The tanktop I was wearing underneath went with it. FML
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