Mademoiselle tallinn, estonia 29 ans Célibataire
Today, I started a new blog that I've been planning for weeks. So far, the only comments I've received are a dozen spam links, two people correcting my grammar, and a lady telling me I'm going to burn in hell for calling the Pope a noob. FML
Today, my boyfriend wrote a song for me. As he was singing it to me I realized it was actually a breakup song. FML
Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML
Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML
Today, I found out that when people in my apartment complex warn their kids about strangers, they use me as the example. FML
Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML
Today, my roommate and I realised our freezer hasn't been working for days. This would be slightly less awful if she hadn't been storing dead rats for her pet snakes in there. Let's just say the smell is interesting. FML
Today, I got pulled into a conversation about my 62 year-old boss's new breast implants. FML
Today, I joined a dating site. The first guy it recommended was the stalker I met on the last dating site I used. FML
Today, I got more happy birthday wishes on my porn account than my Facebook. FML
Today, as I was riding the bus, a lady told her daughter to sit next to me. She looked at me and started to scream and cry in horror. FML
Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML
Today, I emailed my crush an anonymous love letter. It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I realized that the email address I used contained my full name. FML
Today, I was taking a lifeguard certification test. I nearly drowned halfway through. FML
Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML
Today, I got the feeling that my phone smelt of cigarettes and B.O. I smelt it, realised that it was my hands that smelt, then got confused and thought maybe it was my nose piercing that smelt. I then realised my psychology class was watching me trying to smell my own nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally proposed. His reason? A Las Vegas wedding came up on Groupon. FML
Today, my grandfather proudly informed me that the dump he'd just took looked like a tiger claw. He announced this during dinner, and told us not to flush it until he could take a picture. FML
Today, I flew to Florida with my grandma. She tried to go through airport security with a pocket knife in her backpack. FML
Today, I learned that my mother now refuses to drink anything but bottled water because she actually believes that the government is putting a chemical in tap water that lowers pregnancy rates. She is trying for her 5th child. FML
Today, while on the train to university, I realized it was my stop and quickly stood up to get off. Or I would have, if my leg hadn't gone to sleep and caused me to fall, landing face first into the crotch of the old guy in front of me. FML
Today, while playing badminton, I was so distracted by my ex winking at me that I didn't notice the shuttlecock that hit me in the eye. FML
Today, my eleven year old daughter called me a moron, after I told her she was dead wrong when she claimed that rabbits lay eggs. FML
Today, I was holding our weekly poker game with a few work buddies. My psychotic, live-in mother-in-law wasted no time jumping into the game, cheating me out of $150, my new wristwatch, and what little pride I had left. FML
Today, I was kicked out of my review lecture at community college, for "being a disturbance and refusing to stop whistling." I wasn't even given a chance to explain that I have a cold. FML
Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML
Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML
Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML
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