Mademoiselle Honolulu, Hawaii, United States 36 ans Célibataire
Today, I received the newspaper from my hometown. My ex-husband's wedding announcement and picture were on the front page. His new wife has the same first name as me. All my Facebook friends from high school commented on how much weight I've lost and how good I look in my wedding photo. FML
Today, my roommate's boyfriend moved in. I'm in love with him. Now I get to live with the happy couple. FML
Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
Today, I told a customer at the drive-thru I couldn't hear him as he had his music blaring too loud. The customer then drove to the window and verbally abused me for listening to my iPod at work. My "iPod" is the headset we use to take orders at the drive-thru. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious talk. He told me that I was a quick-tempered emotional train wreck. He then said, "You know how we talked about getting married? Now the only way I'd marry you was if hell froze over." He smiled, gave me a kiss, and went to bed. FML
Today, I was given a ticket for running a red light. The reason? I was moving out of the way of an ambulance. The police officer watched it go by. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend why she can't treat me like the way I treat her. She said, "because you love me more than I love you." FML
Today, my dad got a hard-on looking at my best friend. He asked me how my NutriSystem diet was going. He was looking at my friend's boobs when he asked me. FML
Today, I was at McDonald's. I bumped into a guy, and as I was helping him pick up his food, I realized he was cute. I began smiling and I was about to introduce myself, when he began laughing and said, "It's you! I've heard about you!" He left laughing. I still don't know who he is, or what made him laugh. FML
Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML
Today, I found out that after reuniting with an old boyfriend, getting close with his two year old son, and moving closer to him to properly be a part of their lives, he got back together with his ex-wife. FML
Today, my wife changed her facebook status from "married" to "widowed". I'm scared. FML
Today, a 75 year-old lady drove into me. Her excuse was, "I wasn't looking." Awesome. FML
Today, I had an interview. I didn't get the job because apparently customers might not understand me, since I "talk too good." I just graduated with an English degree. FML
Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, my sister got caught cheating on her boyfriend. She was cheating on him with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
Today, while I was driving, a police officer jumped out from the sidewalk and into my lane. I slammed on the brakes so I wouldn't hit him. He then gave me a ticket for "obstructing traffic." FML
Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML
Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML
Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300-pound man walked out, shook his head, and said, "I'm sorry" to me. FML
Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML
Today, I walked into my room to find my roommate's boyfriend trying on one of my pink, lacy bras. My roommate then yelled at me for coming home early. FML
Today, while driving, I idly started picking my nose. I looked over at the car next to me and saw a smoking hot guy from my school staring at me in disgust. He kept staring until I took a turn-off. FML
Today, my wife and I received confirmation that she has postpartum depression. When sharing this with the family, my mother exclaimed "I told you she was a psycho!" Now my wife is crying louder and more often than our newborn. Thanks, mom. FML
Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML
Today, I found out I'm getting laid off. However, they're keeping my coworker who rarely shows up and sleeps all the time when he's there. FML
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