Mademoiselle Denmark 33 ans
Today, I was walking down the street with my friend, one I walk down every day, and I saw a really cute guy nearby. I felt like I looked better than usual, so I turned my head to offer a smile, and walked right into a pole. The impact was strong enough to send me falling to the floor. FML
Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML
Today, I was in the supermarket when I saw a little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I went over to him and asked if his mom knew where he was. The boy turned around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML
Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML
Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, as a joke, my friends and I decided to put me in a dress and makeup, to creep out a friend. I'm a guy. I'm not sure which is worse, the fact that I so willingly volunteered to wear the dress and the makeup, or the fact that I thought it was comfy and made me look slim. FML
Today, my friend and I were arguing over whose boyfriend was better. Just as I was about to convince her, my boyfriend rang. Trying to start the perfect conversation, I put him on speaker phone and answered, "Hey Tiger, I was just thinking about you!" He broke up with me on speaker. FML
Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML
Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML
Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML
Today, I found out that some men think it's OK to clip their fingernails at the table, in a restaurant, on a first date. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We only used text. Halfway through, I noticed that she started being more demanding. As it turns out, my girlfriend had left the room and her older brother had walked in and taken over. FML
Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML
Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML
Today, my dad hurt his back. He went to a physical therapist who gave him some exercises to do. I have to watch him lie on his back and air hump while groaning every hour on the hour for the next two weeks. FML
Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML
Today, I was taking medicine for my sinus problems and trying to write an essay. I got most of the way done, then unexpectedly fell asleep on my keyboard. When I woke up, my face was wet. I drowned my laptop in my drool. FML
Today, I bought something special at Victoria's Secret, then sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 2 hours to get to my boyfriend's house. When I got there, he broke up with me. We're 37 years old and he actually gave me the "it's not you, it's me" speech. FML
Today, my doctor told me I should consider a breast reduction. I'm a man. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into my Facebook account and changed our relationship status to single, just to see which of my friends would "like" it. After revealing to me what she did, she now says I can no longer be friends with anyone who liked it. FML
Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML
Today, my car was broken into, and they stole all my CDs, but left my daughter's Black Eyed Peas CD behind. I'm pretty pissed about the theft, but almost glad to see that the delinquents in my town have a decent taste in music. FML
Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML
Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML
Today, my roommates thought I wasn't home and started talking about me. Apparently I'm a lesbian, devil worshiper, and an alcoholic. I didn't know my life was so fascinating. FML
Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML
Today, my parents had a long discussion on whether a cut on my arm looked like a vagina. FML
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