Mademoiselle Amsterdam, Netherlands En couple
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins. FML
Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML
Today, my friends and I were having a conversation about which mythical creature would be the most unlikely to exist in the real world. They all collectively agreed that it would be a girl who is attracted to me. FML
Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML
Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML
Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML
Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked, I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML
Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML
Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML
Today, at a quiet restaurant, my stepdad loudly told me he hopes in the future they have "hover caskets" so he doesn't have to carry my "fat ass" to the grave. All because I didn't want a side salad. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that miles are the same distance for everything. He thought that human miles were different than mouse miles, because they're smaller. He's 34. FML
Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML
Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML
Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML
Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended up going to her house and hooked up. Once we'd finished, I noticed another co-workers ID on the floor by her bed. I asked her about it and she said he must have dropped it there last night. FML
Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML
Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML
Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. What was it over? He accused me of pronouncing MY name wrong. FML
Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my dad for indecent exposure in the past. FML
Today, I was the victim of a drive-by. The attackers used water guns. FML
Today, I got mugged by a guy who was threatening me with a stapler. FML
Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML
Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML
Today, I somehow managed to hit my head on a first aid kit. I now have a cut on my forehead and my boyfriend just keeps laughing from the irony. FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML
Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML
Today, I accidentally belched at the dinner table. At age 22, I got sent to my room with no dessert by my parents. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
