Brainnnnz

Strike one

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cellphone, which I had left behind in a lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years-old." FML

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML