Mademoiselle London, United Kingdom 29 ans En couple
Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML
Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML
Today, while I was working replacing a windshield, some jerk off hit my truck. A truck carrying 2k in glass, including the windshield I was about to install. The driver gets out and says, "Sorry man, I had to text my girlfriend." FML
Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML
Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML
Today, I requested a pay rise at work. They said they couldn't do it as they have to cut costs, so I resigned. They've now re-advertised my job for more money than I asked for. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I was sitting in the living room with my husband when we heard a baby coo. This would have been adorable, if we had a baby. FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I got call from the manager for a company I applied for. Turns out, he mixed up my friend's phone number with mine, since we applied on the same day, so the manager accidentally hired her instead of me. He said the position is still mine if I want it, but they will have to let her go. FML
Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been feeling of pressure in my chest. After running numerous tests, I was told I was perfectly healthy and had nothing to worry about. I made it as far as the front door before I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML
Today, an old lady walked up to my car on a busy street and banged on my window. She was annoyed because I was making a left, as opposed to continuing to drive when there was no traffic in front of me. She then got in her car and held the horn until I went. FML
Today, I was woken by the sound of music coming from my living room at 1:30 am. My cat had managed to turn on the stereo and turn the volume all the way up. Just as I fell asleep again, there was a knock at the door. The police showed up about a noise complaint. FML
Today, I helped my mom put away my baby sister's clothes. She's only a week old and has around 60 outfits. I have 4. FML
Today, my sister got her car insurance quote in the mail. You would think it would go way up after being charged with reckless driving. It went up $1 per month. My insurance went up $100 per month after I tapped someone's bumper a year ago. I wasn't even charged. FML
Today, in history class I was called "ignorant" and "inconsiderate" because I referred to Stalin as a "he". FML
Today, I got fired for being late. Apparently you're supposed to be on time after your boss specifically tells you that the office will open an hour late. FML
Today, I was once again mistaken for an escaped convict. I live near a women's correctional facility and apparently my nursing scrubs look a lot like their prisoners' uniforms. The cop made me late for work. FML
Today, my company told me that they refuse to buy me new safety footwear without a doctor's note, because my shoe size is three sizes smaller than the minimum size my company provides. I actually have to get my doctor to prove my shoe size. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML
Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat, and threw up on my checkout counter. FML
Today, I had to attend a meeting with my parents, my teacher, and my bully and his parents. When we started, my bully "broke down" and "tearfully" told the teacher that I was the one bullying him, and that he was getting blamed to cover it all up. They believed him. FML
Today, after weeks of my brother being laid off from work, I was able to finagle him an interview for one of the entry level positions at my work. He got the job, only to refuse it because it doesn't pay enough. I thought 9 dollars an hour was a lot more than 0 dollars an hour. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 27 year-old sister why a stainless steel fork isn't a good toy for my 8 month-old baby. Twice. FML
Today, a little girl locked all the stalls in the girls' bathroom where I work and crawled under the doors. I then had to crawl around on the bathroom floor in order to unlock the doors. FML
Today, while at work, I got a complaint from a guest. She complained that after spending two hours to get her hair done for a wedding, she got drenched with water from a child. I work at a WATER PARK. Thank you for calling me a pathetic asshat for no reason in front of other guests. FML
Today, some of my coworkers have complained that I don't do my share of the work, though they can't specify exactly what I'm not getting done. Apparently, being too efficient and finishing first means I mustn't have done anything at all. The supervisor sided with them. FML
Today, I was written up for being late to work. I was late because somebody in my dorm stole my pants. All of them. FML
Today, I found out about my sister's insanely detailed plan to abduct my one-year-old son and raise him as her own on another continent. All my mom did was tell me not to worry because she can't afford to move that far away. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
