LoveIsRevolution

Today, while I was shopping, a girl walked past me and said, "Hola!" I'm Indian. FML

Today, my boyfriend still won't get a job, because he's convinced he's going to make millions inventing and selling carbonated ketchup. FML

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML

Denial

Today, I said "I love you" to my girlfriend for the first time. She responded with, "I'm just gonna pretend I never heard that." FML

Today, a friend located my stolen dog. It was sold to a family that has an autistic child. I was told by the police that I could have my dog back, but they think I am a terrible person if I do. FML

Keeping it real

Today, I went to visit my dad for the first time in over a year, as I have been studying for my Master's degree in history halfway across the world. The first thing he said to me? "So, gotten a real job yet?" FML

Today, I found out that my parents got married on their second date because they were mildly intoxicated, bored and wanted something to do. FML

Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML

Today, in history class I was called "ignorant" and "inconsiderate" because I referred to Stalin as a "he". FML

Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML