Monsieur Dundee, Scotland 31 ans Célibataire
Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML
Today, my expensive, multi-feature, waterproof watch was destroyed... by water. FML
Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML
Today, a riot broke out while I was on shift at the community swimming pool. A family snuck in soap so they could use the pool as a giant bath tub. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML
Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML
Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought the party I was having was too loud and obnoxious. It was my grandmother's 86 birthday party. FML
Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML
Today, I went to the movies. I was sat next to a woman who talked through the film and said, "Awwww" every time she saw a primate. I went to see 'Rise of Planet of the Apes'. FML
Today, I tried to scare a new college friend by sneaking up behind her wearing a mask. It worked. And so did her lightning fast reflexes developed from multiple martial arts championships. My 2 cracked ribs, broken nose and bruised ballsack can now be added to her list of achievements. FML
Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter, or my son. Turns out they all are. FML
Today, I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints. FML
Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML
Today, I woke up to find my parents singing "Happy birthday" with lots of hugs and kisses. My birthday is next week. FML
Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML
Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML
Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML
Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML
Today, my boss told me I'm not working hard enough because I take French classes two mornings a week and therefore I won't be getting a promotion. If I want the promotion I have to stop taking my French classes. These are the same French classes I was told I originally needed for the promotion. FML
Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday." He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML
Today, my boyfriend got a job at a trendy clothing store in the mall. Trying to be supportive, I went to visit him and tried something on. I got stuck in the jeans and had to call my boyfriend, who sent the manager to pull the jeans off me. FML
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