Monsieur Sydney, Australia 27 ans Célibataire
Today, after being told numerous times how sexist the East Coast is, I went ahead with my East Coast grad school architecture interview. The first thing out of the interviewer's mouth was, "Are you sure you don't want to do interior architecture?" FML
Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML
Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML
Today, my dogs somehow pulled the water spigot off the wall in my backyard. I now have my own private lake. FML
Today, some jackass decided that using the back of my car to slow down was easier than using his brakes. FML
Today, one of my friends made it to school. He has been sick recently, missing days out of the week. When I saw him, I greeted him with, "Were you dying yesterday?" Apparently he wasn't, but his grandmother really did. FML
Today, I learned I don't have to spend Valentine's Day alone. My parents invited me along on their date. FML
Today, the car across the street has been broken into so many times that my parrot has started to mimic its car alarm. FML
Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML
Today, I worked such a long shift at Panera that when my boyfriend called later, I answered, "It's a fresh day at Panera Bread in [town], this is [name] speaking. How may I help you?" He thought it was hilarious. FML
Today, I found out that my friends only hang out with me so they can play with my dog. FML
Today, I was so sleep deprived that while making instant oatmeal, I poured the oats into the garbage and put the empty packet in a bowl, then microwaved it for 2 minutes. FML
Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML
Today, I overheard my mom talking to a friend on the phone. What caught my attention was when she said, "You ever look at your kid and just think... 'Fuck. Where'd I go wrong?'" FML
Today, my iguana tried to eat my hand. Taking that as a sign of being hungry, I gave him a bowl of fruits and veggies. After he finished the bowl, he tried to eat my hand again. My iguana's an asshole. FML
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into my tooth, I feel the drill slip, and then she quickly stuffs gauze into my mouth. She nervously laughs and says to me "Wow! You must really be numb!" FML
Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML
Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML
Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML
Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML
Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML
Today, same as every other night, I sat in my car outside my home, just to avoid going inside. I live alone. FML
Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML
Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML
Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML
Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML
Today, my girlfriend ran off with my beloved dog. Why? Yesterday she asked me who I'd choose, and I honestly said that I would choose the dog. FML
Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML
Today, my boyfriend "accidentally" had sex with my roommate. FML
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