Shaun2035

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me so she could "let her life flow in the direction she wants." Apparently that includes smoking, stealing, and making out with other girls at parties. The best part? She wants to get back together "after she matures and gets it out of her system." FML

Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML

False hope

Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML