MiSSxxuNDeRSTooD

Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML

Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML

Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my tampons weren't ear plugs. FML

Judgemental

Today, my sister told me not to come over anymore because her baby is scared of my face. FML

Fundies

Today, my father spent half an hour trying to convert my cat to Christianity. He has already done this with my other two cats. He's completely serious and thinks they are born-again Christians. FML