BShady96

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

Today, I was at the library, and had finally found the book I'd been looking for, when a man approaches me, says "The main character dies at the end", and walks away. FML

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

Today, I lost my watch at the pool. After giving a detailed description of it at the desk, I was really happy to hear someone had found it and handed it in. Too bad I was too late, because someone had already claimed it. FML

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML